Constructive Criticism

Dear Paris

There are some things that I need clarity on. When I visited your beautiful streets I was unable to understand a few of your ways. The way I see it, you have some inconsistencies that need fixing. Please don’t raise your voice, you are still a wonderful city. It’s not you, it’s me? Don’t storm out, these are just some constructive notes on how to improve your appeal.

1.) The doors. Can you please decide if you want me to pull or push when I’m entering. I can’t tell you how many times I yanked or thrusted the wrong direction gaining everyone inside’s attention and making me look foolish. I will be okay with what ever you decide, I’m just looking for some uniformity,

2.) Are you expensive or cheap? Too many times I was left digging in my pockets searching for more money because I underestimated the price. This would seem like an easy fix, that I should just anticipate a hefty total but it’s not that simple. Sometimes, sweet Paris, you were incredibly affordable. I could spend 2 Euros on an elegant sandwich and be completely satisfied. The next day in a different part of town I would order what I thought was a similar sandwich and be expected to play 8 Euro! What’s up with that? Don’t even get me started on alcohol... okay too late. The grocery store down the street would provide me two bottles of fine french wine and a 10-pack of beer for under 5 Euros (a steal of a deal.) When I was at bars, sometimes I could get a beer for around 2 Euro, while other places would give me the same beer for around 7! I can’t take the inconsistency.

3.) When I talk to you, should I attempt to used my broken french? or start off by asking you if you speak english? “Est-ce que tu parle anglais?” I tried both methods and each of them yielded their fair share of eye rolls. What do you want me to do?

4.) I’m ready to admit. Paris, you have the best public transit in the world. The metro easy to use, absurdly frequent, and very clean. Why then, I ask, do you shut it down so early? As the world’s premier subway I believe you would only expand your supremacy by offering late night or even all night service. I couldn’t even figure out when the trains stopped. Some told me midnight, others said as late as 1:30, but there was always the threat of being stranded. Please, figure this out so that I can enjoy your late night treasures worry free.

Paris, you are my newest love, I want to make that clear. These are just some slight adjustments that I would like to see addressed before my next visit. Thanks.

Your Pal,

Wyatt Danz